pretty long time since i last blog...
this week is so darn torturous for me.
there it goes..
mon was emaths ppr 1. it was not very diff neither was it easy. it's just weird. as if we were given a paper of another sybullous. but.. can't believe my luck is rolling man.. for the 0.737373737.... question.. i couldn't do it.. i simply got no idea wat the qn is talking abt. and towards the last few mins i just wrote same ridiculous answers and i got it right!..how retarded..
tue add maths.. personally.. i think it was rather difficult. but other pple were saying how easy it was.. so much simpler than prelim yada yada yada... *sigh*.. don't even know whether i could pass and the others getting all As.. left quite a number blanks. 13marks gone.
wed sc(phy) and art hist. phy is crap crap crap. i couldn't do three quaters of the ppr. not even a simple frequecy question. spend so much time thinking and just manage to scribble my last sentence like 3 mins before time's up. pretty bad. usually i would have like more than 20 mins left to idle.. AND.. i tell you.. the fan is so darn irritating.!. it was blowing right at me. my papers hair even my skirt is blowing everywhere ( lucky i decided to wear shorts underneath on that day).
art hist is hai..... another fail ppr. i don't understand why i couldn't finish looking at the fact that i wrote half the amount the others had written.everybody else was saying how easy it was da da da. clare was so very happy that affandi came out and she was smiling nonstop. for the non singapore section some unknown artist's sculpture came out. not something i'm hoping for but i chose it anyway. i was so disappointed. and the singapore art also. was hoping that liu kang and georgette chen would come out as comparison essay but it didn't..... i spend like two three hours before the paper studying and memorizing like crazy yet i couldn't do the paper. disappointment. no hope of getting my higher art cert.
thurs drawing ppr. i stayed 'til midnight the day before to finish up my prep work. i'm proud of it. however the actual drawing itself is yet another disappointment. i couldn't finish. i have decided to try another shading technique after mr tan commented that my drawings are too grey and 'monotone'. it was really very bad. it turned out to be too black instead of something filled with contrast. my shading strokes is so damn rough and obvious ( obvious not in a good way but can see strokes of diff direction everywhere). and i forget to bring tissue paper. i reminded myself so many many times in the morning the night before to brinG tissue paper not to forget must remember but still.. i forgot. and my whole drawing is so so smudged. you can even see my fingerprints on it. i mean it's like telling the examiner " i'm very nonprofessional and i can't draw so you have no choice but to mark me down no matter how kindhearted you are".. it's so not fair. i spend so much effort and i'm not even anything near an a2 not to mention getting an a1. i spend so much time doing and practising. time that i could spend studying my chem and practising my emaths.. argh.. i'm so fustrated!!. all my effort gone into the drain.
today chem and emaths ppr two. emaths is like.. harder than our prelim ppr 2. as usual other pple was goin on and on and on how okay and easy the ppr is but again i dun find it easy.! okay fine my fault since i din even attempt to practise one single question. watever.
chem is so. again again again and again.. people said it's easy. and again i almost had no time to finish it. and frankly speaking i don't find it easy. but at least i think i can pass my mcq ( can you believe it? i fail my prelim mcq). clare called me the night before and we were like chatting and studying. den she said once you remembered or memorized something it's goin to be stuck in the brain somehow. but the problem is how am i goin to dig it out? i'm just hoping for a pass considering that i only spend like 3 hours studying it..
this o level is so so so much worse than my prelim. seriously. i was like a nervous freak before and during the papers. and whenever i couldn't do certain questions i start to panic. coz i knew i could do it. i have done it before. but i just couldn't do it. but you know like wat other pple say when panic strike you or you are nervous all over you can't think. Yes, i can't think.
i'm so damn freaking depressed now. it's over already don't think about it anymore. but i couldn't get over it. everybody else would be getting good grades beautiful certs filled with As and Bs and would be goin to jcs of their choices. yar and i would be stuck with my lousy results forever. forever. no more chances already. it's gonna be forever.
i can't bring myself to continue working-and-studying-hard. this it so fuckin' demoralising. it seems like all my confidence everything were drained away. okay.... i finally finally poured out everything. i do feel better now.
BUT... i still can't get over my drawing paper. and i'm still depressed.
this week is so darn torturous for me.
there it goes..
mon was emaths ppr 1. it was not very diff neither was it easy. it's just weird. as if we were given a paper of another sybullous. but.. can't believe my luck is rolling man.. for the 0.737373737.... question.. i couldn't do it.. i simply got no idea wat the qn is talking abt. and towards the last few mins i just wrote same ridiculous answers and i got it right!..how retarded..
tue add maths.. personally.. i think it was rather difficult. but other pple were saying how easy it was.. so much simpler than prelim yada yada yada... *sigh*.. don't even know whether i could pass and the others getting all As.. left quite a number blanks. 13marks gone.
wed sc(phy) and art hist. phy is crap crap crap. i couldn't do three quaters of the ppr. not even a simple frequecy question. spend so much time thinking and just manage to scribble my last sentence like 3 mins before time's up. pretty bad. usually i would have like more than 20 mins left to idle.. AND.. i tell you.. the fan is so darn irritating.!. it was blowing right at me. my papers hair even my skirt is blowing everywhere ( lucky i decided to wear shorts underneath on that day).
art hist is hai..... another fail ppr. i don't understand why i couldn't finish looking at the fact that i wrote half the amount the others had written.everybody else was saying how easy it was da da da. clare was so very happy that affandi came out and she was smiling nonstop. for the non singapore section some unknown artist's sculpture came out. not something i'm hoping for but i chose it anyway. i was so disappointed. and the singapore art also. was hoping that liu kang and georgette chen would come out as comparison essay but it didn't..... i spend like two three hours before the paper studying and memorizing like crazy yet i couldn't do the paper. disappointment. no hope of getting my higher art cert.
thurs drawing ppr. i stayed 'til midnight the day before to finish up my prep work. i'm proud of it. however the actual drawing itself is yet another disappointment. i couldn't finish. i have decided to try another shading technique after mr tan commented that my drawings are too grey and 'monotone'. it was really very bad. it turned out to be too black instead of something filled with contrast. my shading strokes is so damn rough and obvious ( obvious not in a good way but can see strokes of diff direction everywhere). and i forget to bring tissue paper. i reminded myself so many many times in the morning the night before to brinG tissue paper not to forget must remember but still.. i forgot. and my whole drawing is so so smudged. you can even see my fingerprints on it. i mean it's like telling the examiner " i'm very nonprofessional and i can't draw so you have no choice but to mark me down no matter how kindhearted you are".. it's so not fair. i spend so much effort and i'm not even anything near an a2 not to mention getting an a1. i spend so much time doing and practising. time that i could spend studying my chem and practising my emaths.. argh.. i'm so fustrated!!. all my effort gone into the drain.
today chem and emaths ppr two. emaths is like.. harder than our prelim ppr 2. as usual other pple was goin on and on and on how okay and easy the ppr is but again i dun find it easy.! okay fine my fault since i din even attempt to practise one single question. watever.
chem is so. again again again and again.. people said it's easy. and again i almost had no time to finish it. and frankly speaking i don't find it easy. but at least i think i can pass my mcq ( can you believe it? i fail my prelim mcq). clare called me the night before and we were like chatting and studying. den she said once you remembered or memorized something it's goin to be stuck in the brain somehow. but the problem is how am i goin to dig it out? i'm just hoping for a pass considering that i only spend like 3 hours studying it..
this o level is so so so much worse than my prelim. seriously. i was like a nervous freak before and during the papers. and whenever i couldn't do certain questions i start to panic. coz i knew i could do it. i have done it before. but i just couldn't do it. but you know like wat other pple say when panic strike you or you are nervous all over you can't think. Yes, i can't think.
i'm so damn freaking depressed now. it's over already don't think about it anymore. but i couldn't get over it. everybody else would be getting good grades beautiful certs filled with As and Bs and would be goin to jcs of their choices. yar and i would be stuck with my lousy results forever. forever. no more chances already. it's gonna be forever.
i can't bring myself to continue working-and-studying-hard. this it so fuckin' demoralising. it seems like all my confidence everything were drained away. okay.... i finally finally poured out everything. i do feel better now.
BUT... i still can't get over my drawing paper. and i'm still depressed.
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